Marriage.
One of my biggest concerns.
I want to get married. It would be a lie if I said that I don't want to get married.
But.
It's not about who is the spouse. At least for now.
It's about, how prepared I am to get married.
Yes, I can lie saying that I am fully prepared. I am ready to get married. I am ready to take the responsibility to be someone's wife and a mother to my children.
But, again. How prepared am I to say that I am fully prepared?
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There are many married person among my circles. Some of them are really happy with their marriage, some of them are not, some of them are faking their happiness. I want to be happy. I want my marriage to be something that I treasure for the whole of my life. What is the point of faking your happiness just to make others envy, when you are fully aware of the behind-the-scene of your so called happiness?
Sigh.
I am ready to understand my partner more. I am ready to accept his shortcomings. I am ready to open my heart for him to teach me something that is good for our future, I am ready to lowering my ego(s) for the sake of our happiness. I am ready to be responsible for the sake of our family, etc; my thoughts on being fully prepared.
The truth is, I am afraid. I am afraid that I cannot be a good wife and mother. Above all, I am afraid that I will be a nusyuz wife, since I am quite a hot and short-tempered.
Nauzubillah himinzalik.
