Introvert

I came across a topic which spark my interest.

Introvert.

People often misunderstood me for this reason. Introvert.

I enjoy eating alone. Well, I eat with with family and close friends, at times. 

I prefer to stay all day long at home during weekend. I don't know whether this is a sign that I am getting old or it is because of my introvert personality that I don't like to wander around the city during my leisure time. I love it when I stay at home doing nothing, just lazying around or doing something I have passion in it such as baking. Well, the other reason is because I don't like going to place with so many people and being in a crowd.

I could get in with people. But, it is hard for me to go and mix around. You can put me in crowd full of familiar or non-familiar faces, but it takes time for me to mingle around. I would at most smiling at them, and then sitting in the corner watching everyone or just doing my own thing.

I don't have close friends except for few. It's true that I don't have many friends, I cannot deny it. Thanks to all whose willingly stick to me through ups and downs, through thick and thin. I don't have to mention who are they, they know who they are.

I am more to listening to others than talking to others. I don't know how to entertain people. I once told my mom, if there are people came to our house to visit during Eid Fitri celebration or at anytime while my parents are not home, I will not open the door for them and just pretending like they are nobody at home. 

I don't know how to open up to others. This one. I really have one big issue regarding this. I have a hard time to move on from someone I love. And because of this, I cannot open up to other. Even if my aunties or my friends want to introduce me to someone, I just don't have a heart to do so.

This is not something you can cure with medicine. Not even with a force. 

This is highly related to trust issue. Being betrayed once and you lost all your trust to other, or you are having a trust problem from the beginning. 

I don't want to be an introvert, but I am already an introvert.

And as an introvert, I don't need your pity or sympathy. Just try to understand me would be more than enough help for me.

Library.

Library.

I love to be at the library while doing my works. Why you may ask? It’s because I can concentrate and focus more on my works. I can’t really do works at home since there are lots of ‘dangerous’ distraction. Movies, bed, foods, TV, you named it. Plus, you can meet many kind of people at the library. However, it can be both interesting and disturbance. Among many type of people who came to the library:

1. People who really come to the library to study and do works. This group of people really optimize the function of the library.
2. A group of people who come to the library just to meet with each other, chit chatting and laughing whole-heartedly as if the library are their playground. I don’t really care about this group, but it can be annoying at times especially when I cannot put 100% focus on my works due to their louder and louder voice as time passed by.
3. A couple who come to the library as if they want to study together but actually just want to have a date. Sitting very close to each other (okay it’s up to you but it can be an eye sore to others), touching here and there (certain couple, also an eye sore). You come to the library to study and do works, then do your works right. Wanna have a date? Get out of the library lah, there’s taman and tasik outside. Be lovey-dovey there.
4. Certain people who thought that library is some kind of museum, going around for a long time. And no, they are not looking or searching for books or some kind of references, but they are just walking around. This kind of group also is a huge disturbance to people who really need to focus on their work. Walking here and there. Yes, you can walk. There’s no rules saying that walking around the library is a crime. But, please consider others. You wanna walk? You love walking so much? There are lots of shopping malls, taman, suitable places out there.
5. People who come to the library, bring a laptop just to watch the movie(s) or listening songs via laptop or phone. Well, since these people didn’t really disturb others since there are in their own world (watching the movie(s) or listening to songs with earphone or headphone on), so it’s up to them. But I cannot tolerate those people who didn’t use earphone or headphone to do so. On top of that, rising the volume of their laptop or phone without any concern to others, as if they are alone.

Please people. Library is meant for people who love to do works in a pleasant, calm and quiet surrounding. You don’t want these people to looking angrily at you, bad-mouthing you for disturbing them and the worse is scolding you, don’t you? Tolerate with each other, and we all can get benefits from the library. And please, just because the library is public and open for everyone, it doesn’t mean that you have any right to misuse it.

Running

Wehooo..!!

This Sunday gonna marks my sixth run since I've first joined running events, a year ago (June 2015). I cannot believe that I love running these days, because if you really know me, I am that one person who'll try to find 1001 excuses just to not being active. In other words, almost hate to workout. 

Well, not really. I love certain sports such as cycling and dodgeball because it is fun. But, jogging and running?? In my dream! I don't even think about it before.

I think it's true. The one thing that we hate, can be the one thing that we love and vice versa. And now, here, I declare that I love running so much even if I'm a slow runner, even if I'm a short distance runner. 

I'm a runner because I run.

Don't ask me why I run, ask yourself why you don't. 

This is totally me; during a race and after the race :)

3 running events coming up and registered, and more to come and register.

25-04-2016

Hari ini terlampau beremosi. Pantang salah sedikit, mulalah nak membebel. Membebel tak henti dekat adik-adik, sampaikan mak ayah cop aku sebagai mak tiri.

Ya, kalau hendak ikutkan emosi, sudah pasti tercipta suatu entri meluahkan perasaan terhadap seseorang. Namun, bila difikirkan rasionalisinya tindakan, aku seumpama kanak-kanak yang tidak diberi perhatian yang secukupnya. Dan cemburu melihat perhatian yang diberikan kepada kanak-kanak lain. Entahlah sama ada antalogi aku betul atau tidak.

Di saat entri ini dikarang, berlalu sudah hari jadi seorang insan yang aku kenali. Aku rasa seperti sudah melakukan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang sahabat dengan mengucapkan selamat hari jadi kepadanya. Biarpun, melalui entri yang samar-samar maksudnya. Harapanku, semoga dia mengetahui bahawa entri itu ditujukan untuknya. 

Hati aku sedikit terbeban. Fikiranku juga bekerja keras memikirkan sesuatu yang aku sendiri tidak pasti. Aku sendiri keliru dengan diri aku. Apa yang aku fikirkan, apa yang menyesakkan dadaku. Semuanya kelihatan samar. Pudar. Kelabu.

Aku rindukan kehidupan masa kecilku, di mana aku tidak perlu runsing memikirkan perihal masalah dunia yang semakin memeningkan kepala.

Sungguh aku rindu.

05-03-2016

140 days.

I met him again. Honestly, I thought I would crumble to the very bits of me. Meeting him again while I'm still struggling to move on, not fully healing from the past rejection is sure a hard thing to do.

I sat in front of him, twice. I tried hard to minimize meeting his eyes. I keep on talking to the person sit next to me, just to avoid the awkwardness surrounding us.

They say I am cool. They say I am strong. On the outer appearance, I may seems strong and cool. But deep down in my heart, Allah knows well how I feel.

One thing for sure. The more I see him, I fall deeper for him.

12-02-2016

Hello, it's me. Perasan suara sedap cam Adele jap.

Actually, hati tak tenang. It feels uneasy, most of the time. Restless. 

10 years ago (2006), when I am preparing for my SPM examination, I thought it was the hardest time in my life. I'm afraid of so many things. I thought I was going crazy while memorizing all those notes and formulas, trying to understand all steps in solving additional mathematics problem and going to countless additional classes for all subjects that I'm weak at.

A year after (2007), during my first semester of Foundation of Engineering Technology (FET), when I have a hard time to catch up my studies especially for Chemistry and Mathematics, and I only manage to score 2.06/4.00 for my GPA that semester, I thought of giving up. It was hard. Harder than broken heart. But I survived and continue the next semester joyfully. The third semester where we have to undergo a practical for 10 weeks at UniKL campus that we have chosen according to our interest, that's the best time I've ever had as a matrix student. Well, I remember the first month I went to Kolej MARA Kulim. I cried a lot, every single day, calling my mom saying I want to go back home. That I couldn't go with the matrix life. It has become a bittersweet memories now. :)

And again, a year after (2008) when I had enrolled to UniKL BMI, I once again losing myself and only managed to get 2.56/4.00 while my friends is getting such a good results for our first semester. I feel lost. But I didn't give up as my friends are very supportive. I went through 4 years of study as a degree student very well, with the support from friends and family. And I managed to obtain CGPA above 3.00 when I thought Engineering course is super difficult. Alhamdulillah, thank you ALLAH for such wonderful friends YOU gave me.

4 years later (2012), I graduated from UniKL BMI and enrolled to UTM for my Master degree. I couldn't believe myself. It was a hard decision at first, as I got 2 offers from local universities; UTM for MEng and UNITAR for MBA. I went to UTM knowing nobody except for my roommate, Daos, whom happened to be my friend during secondary school. Thanks to her, I am well adapt to the environment. And thanks to my classmates especially Amalina, Eya and Pian whom never give up on me, teaching me when I'm lost, encourage me to do better. I graduated from UTM after 1.5 years struggling with the advanced knowledge of engineering.

And now, as I write this post (2016), I'm still struggling with my life. Well, it never get easier anyway. Struggling to make a life, struggling to please others, struggling with inner self, struggling to get new knowledge, you name it. I experienced it all. Well, most of them. I used to think that whenever I faced any problems in my life, that was the hardest time in my life. Ever since my SPM, foundation, degree, master degree, work. I always say the same thing. IT IS THE HARDEST TIME IN MY LIFE. 

After the long post here, the thing that I wanted to point up is, yes, sometimes you might sit down alone, thinking why it is so difficult for you to go through things at that time. You might think it is the hardest time of your life. Well dear, you still have a long journey ahead. You never know what future may brings you.  It could be harder that today, or it could be easier than today. Who knows. The thing is, whatever you go through right now, never give up. Brace yourself and go through it confidently. Enjoy your days, so you can have a good memories later. 

And I'm going to enjoy mine too! :)

Permohonan kali pertama membuat passport - UTC Kuching

Since trip aku dan kengkawan ke Jakarta is just around the corner, maka aku gagahkan kaki dan badan yang tak berapa sihat ni pergi ke UTC Kuching. Mulanya nak pergi ke Jabatan Imigresen dekat Simpang Tiga, tapi macam jauhlah pulak berbanding jarak dari rumah aku ke UTC. 

Okeh, beberapa hari before nak pergi buat passport, aku google lah dulu serba sedikit tentang procedure buat passport ni. Iyelah, ini first time aku nak pergi buat passport. Haruslah ambil tahu serba sedikit. Namun, kebanyakannya info lama sahaja yang available. So, untuk dapatkan lebih kepastian, aku tanyalah kat kengkawan aku since depa dah ada passport and baru je renew passport. Depa cakap perlu bawa IC original sahaja. 

So, esoknya aku pun dengan senang hatinya bawa sekeping IC pergi ke UTC. Masuk ke UTC, berpusing-pusing jugaklah nak mencari pejabat Imigresen tu. Padahal, kalau ikut je direction yang tersedia, takdelah susah sangat. Saja je nak pusing-pusing tengok UTC tu. UTC Kuching ada dua tingkat, kalau naik lif, kena tekan P4 (aras 1 UTC) or P5 (aras 2 UTC). Kaunter Imigresen tu dekat Aras 2 UTC. Finally, after 10 ke 15 minit berpusing-pusing, aku jumpa jugak kaunter yang dicari-cari. Sebelum masuk, aku bacalah dulu informasi yang ada dekat luar kaunter tu. Ah, sudah! Dia nak salinan IC pemohon lah pulak! 15 minit aku mundar-mandir dekat luar kaunter tu, sampaikan pihak security dekat situ pun dah pandang semacam. Then, sekali lagi aku pusing-pusing dekat Aras 1 and 2 UTC tu, dengan harapan berjumpa dengan kedai fotokopi. Namun malangnya, tiada. Ye, takde.

Fikir punya fikir, aku ambil keputusan pergi ke bangunan LHDN yang berhadapan dengan UTC, dengan harapan moga ada kedai fotokopi. Namun, sekali lagi nasib tidak menyebelahi. Aku nak urusan passport selesai hari tu jugak. So, nak atau tak, aku terpaksa drive keluar dari UTC untuk cari kedai fotokopi. Disebabkan tak terlintas dekat fikiran mana-mana kedai fotokopi terdekat, aku pun drive sampai area Satok dan ternampak ada sebuah kedai fotokopi di sebelah MarryBrown. So, aku pun cepat-cepat pergi potostat IC dan drive balik pergi UTC.

Sampai je kat kaunter imigresen, orang tak ramai. Aku ambil nombor giliran, and after 5 minutes, aku dipanggil ke kaunter 5. Akak yang jaga kat kaunter 5 tu seriously sangat peramah. Bercakap pun dengan lemah lembut dan sentiasa tersenyum. Aku pun senang hati tengok. Alhamdulillah, aku takde masalah nak apply passport.

5 minit selepas apply passport and ambil gambar (yes, ambil gambar direct kat situ jugak), aku dipanggil ke kaunter bayaran untuk membuat pembayaran. Settle bayar, aku ada sejam masa lapang sebelum boleh ambil passport. So, terpulanglah korang nak stay ke, nak pergi breakfast ke, etc. Aku pulak mula-mula pergi lah ke kerusi urut yang ada kat luar kaunter tu. Badan rasa sengal-sengal so try lah berurut. Mak oii, sakit gila badan aku lepas tu. Terus tak jadi nak tambah duit. Lepas tu aku pun decide nak tunggu kat dalam pejabat tu je. Tepat sejam dari masa settle pembayaran, aku pun cepat-cepat pergi ambil nombor giliran untuk ambil passport pulak. Less than 5 minutes, dorang panggil ambil passport. Aku verify semua maklumat dalam passport, tandatangan kat passport, and there I go. Aku dah ada new passport!

Basically, procedure nak buat passport ni sangat simple. Yang buatkan kes aku sedikit rumit is sebab tak prepare bawak salinan potostat IC pemohon. Kalau tak, lagi cepat kerja aku settle.

Overall, service dekat kaunter Imigresen UTC Kuching sangat awesome. Staffs friendly and always smiling. I am happy with their service. *thumbs up*

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Prosedur membuat passport di UTC Kuching.

1. Ambil nombor giliran.

2. Tunggu nombor anda dipanggil.

3. Nombor dipanggil, apply passport dan ambil gambar (Kaunter 5-9).

4. Tunggu nombor giliran yang sama dipanggil untuk membuat pembayaran.

5. Nombor dipanggil, buat pembayaran (Kaunter 4).

6. Sejam selepas membuat pembayaran, ambil nombor giliran yang baru.

7. Nombor dipanggil, dapatkan passport, verify maklumat dalam passport, tandatangan di passport, dan siap! (Kaunter 10-11)

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Checklist / reminder:

1. Make sure IC korang masih elok (cips tak rosak) - kalau boleh pakai IC yang ada dua gambar tu
2. Bawa sekeping salinan IC pemohon
3. Bagi perempuan yang bertudung terutamanya, make sure pakai tudung bewarna gelap. Nak senang, pakai je tudung or shawl hitam. Tudung berwarna putih atau cerah is a no - no!
4. Make sure duit yang dibawa mencukupi
5. Datang awal ke kaunter imigresen okay, untuk mengelakkan ramai orang dan nombor giliran habis

Bukan juai mahai

Bukan juai mahai.

Yes, I am writing this post just to clarify yang aku bukan jual mahal. Bukan juga murah. No. Aku tak jual apa-apa. 

Hati aku belum terubat. Belum dapat nak move on sepenuhnya, walaupun berbuih mulut bagitau kat orang yang aku okey. Aku dah move on.

Banyak kali hati decide nak forgive and forget. Banyak kali jugak hati aku tipu. Aku tak tahu nak percaya hati aku, atau apa. 

Banyak kali aku hampir mengalah dan mengadakan suatu conversation yang super kecil. Dan sebanyak itu hati aku menegah. Ego mengatasi segalanya. 

Kejap. Benarkah itu ego? Ataupun cara untuk aku move on? Aku keliru.

Atau patut aku berlagak seperti tiada perasaan? Berkelakuan seperti semuanya normal belaka. Seolah tiada masalah ataupun jurang antara kami. 

Apa kesudahan semua kekusutan ini?

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